Researchers Discover America is not a Democracy

WASHINGTON – Researchers at the University of Virginia accidentally stumbled upon a historic fact that was otherwise forgotten.  Dr. Frank Balloba of the Department of Sociology had been investigating how to revoke the 22nd amendment for President Barrack Obama via a popular vote, but instead his team of students found something entirely suprising.

The team has been invested in the project for the summer. “We were pretty excited about the prospect of changing America and realized it was going to take more than eight years,” said Kelly Farmt, a graduate student at the University. 

What Dr. Ballabo and his team of researchers discovered in their investigations was that the United States is not a democracy and was established as a Republic, and apparently for good reason.  “In our case studies we uncovered a person of interest, James Madison, who apparently created a whole mess of literature as to why it was required that our country should be a Republic and not a Democracy”. 

One such case study uncovered  some letters called The Federalist Papers which revealed some unfriendly wording that has reset the research. “It is ESSENTIAL to such a government that it be derived from the great body of the society, not from an inconsiderable proportion, or a favored class of it; otherwise a handful of tyrannical nobles, exercising their oppressions by a delegation of their powers, might aspire to the rank of republicans, and claim for their government the honorable title of republic.”

The students who return to regular classes in the fall will work their first term to figure out what it means to be a republic and not a democracy. 

“My own graduate degree has taken five years, and will likely take another five.  If it takes me ten years to learn sociology, how long will it take to change America?” remarked one of the students, supporting his studies through a Pell Grant.

Professor Balloba refused to comment on how this will impact his attempt to repeal the 22nd amendment.  It was widely recognized that these papers had noted even prior to establishment of this amendment that elected officials should only hold office “for a limited period”.  This too, “was apparently for good reason, or so they say”, said the professor.  “We will find out why.”

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One thought on “Researchers Discover America is not a Democracy”

  1. What is surprising (or maybe not considering what passes for contemporary education in America) is that someone with a “doctorate” (granted, it’s Sociology so ‘nuf ced) didn’t already know that in fact the United States is a Constitutional Republic rather than a “democracy.” This is not to say that the Republic is not democratic in nature. If I were the parent of one of “professor” Balloba’s students, I would be looking for a tuition refund.

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