New Global Warming Data : “Shocking!”

ZURICH – In recent months, geologists and politicians alike have been discredited on the facts surrounding global warming. Today, scientists announce new data that puts to rest the doubters.
In late 2009, emails leaked from the Climatic Research Unit at the University of East Anglia in the UK – which claims to be the repository for the most comprehensive set of climate data on the planet. They contained what many observers see as clear evidence that scientists have been altering that data to fit in with their man-made global warming beliefs.
Oklahoma senator James Inhofe said on his website that the UEA emails suggest researchers ‘cooked the science to make this thing look as if the science was settled, when all the time of course we knew it was not.’ Other senators are also considering whether an investigation is warranted.
Since that time, the researchers at the University have painstakingly measured climate data and have documented global warming to a degree never measured before. In order to thwart concerns or criticism from the general public, scientist resampled data over the course of the last eight months taking due diligence to ensure high quality numbers. Every day from 9am until noon, they documented the temperature in 11 cities around the world.
“The data speaks for itself, and even surprised us!” noted Phil Scwazenski, Professor at the Climatic Research Unit. On average the temperature rose 3 degrees Celsius per hour. “At this rate, the earth will reach 379 degrees within 40 days.”
The President expressed his concern over these new findings citing the responsibility of the United States to set the example for industrial nations. “Now, more than ever before, change is needed. As of today, we are making GM produce only bicycles to reduce carbon emissions. Furthermore we strongly suggest that other auto makers do the same.”
Toshi Nakamara, spokesperson for Toyota of America, responded by stating that they had been working on a prototype bicycle that would use only human energy as power, and is expected to reach dealerships in early Fall.
“Anyone who doubted global warming before has now been proven ignorant.”

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